A Mother's Story: Letting Go
My youngest daughter Caley means the world to me; I have gone out of my way to protect her ever since she was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome at age eight. When she was bullied on the school bus in second grade, if not by the kids themselves, then by bus drivers who didn't understand her sometimes odd behaviors, my job as a school teacher enabled me to change schools to be closer to her and better protect her. I changed jobs frequently for that reason, first teaching at a school close to her elementary, then teaching at her middle school, and finally moving to her high school. I monitored her grades religiously, and was always there to get feedback from her other teachers and make sure she completed all of her assignments. I'm providing this background so that the reader will understand I am (or so I've been told) an overprotective mother.
With that as background, I'm sure you can understand I was anxious about sending my daughter away to a university where I could not follow. That said, I have to say I am now overjoyed at having sent my youngest daughter off to a public university where she is living in a dorm (with a roommate!) on campus. I had many family members and friends pull me to the side throughout this process to tell me I musn't send my daughter off to fend for herself. I had always been there to protect her, they told me, and it was my obligation to continue to do so now that she is entering college. I am glad that I did not heed this well-meaninged advice.
Despite my concerns and outside pressures, my youngest daughter (who was also nervous about the change) and I decided that if she had a bad experience and was unable to deal with campus life, she could always come home and start at the local community college the next semester. I took comfort in this fact. I was also comforted by the fact that my eldest daughter is a senior at the same university, and my youngest daughter had already found an understanding roommate. I was still concerned, though, and thoughts from helpful family and friends were pretty much all that got me through the spring and summer.
Instead of having difficulties adjusting, as I had predicted, I am overjoyed and amazed to say that my daughter is thriving thus far in the university environment. She set up the appointment and met with the Students with Disabilities Services counselor on her own - no mom present to advocate for her. Now she's her own best advocate, getting all the accommodations that she felt she needed. In addition, my youngest hasn't relied on her older sister at all, only visiting her on occasion because they've always been so close, rather than out of necessity. Perhaps best of all, she's making friends on her own - something that in the past was all but impossible for her.
I couldn't be a prouder mother than I am at this moment.
With that as background, I'm sure you can understand I was anxious about sending my daughter away to a university where I could not follow. That said, I have to say I am now overjoyed at having sent my youngest daughter off to a public university where she is living in a dorm (with a roommate!) on campus. I had many family members and friends pull me to the side throughout this process to tell me I musn't send my daughter off to fend for herself. I had always been there to protect her, they told me, and it was my obligation to continue to do so now that she is entering college. I am glad that I did not heed this well-meaninged advice.
Despite my concerns and outside pressures, my youngest daughter (who was also nervous about the change) and I decided that if she had a bad experience and was unable to deal with campus life, she could always come home and start at the local community college the next semester. I took comfort in this fact. I was also comforted by the fact that my eldest daughter is a senior at the same university, and my youngest daughter had already found an understanding roommate. I was still concerned, though, and thoughts from helpful family and friends were pretty much all that got me through the spring and summer.
Instead of having difficulties adjusting, as I had predicted, I am overjoyed and amazed to say that my daughter is thriving thus far in the university environment. She set up the appointment and met with the Students with Disabilities Services counselor on her own - no mom present to advocate for her. Now she's her own best advocate, getting all the accommodations that she felt she needed. In addition, my youngest hasn't relied on her older sister at all, only visiting her on occasion because they've always been so close, rather than out of necessity. Perhaps best of all, she's making friends on her own - something that in the past was all but impossible for her.
I couldn't be a prouder mother than I am at this moment.
