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Books about autism for kids...and a freebie for adults!

1/25/2015

Okay, so after hours of searching online for good books about autism for kids, I have finally spent my Books A Million money! Since it took me so VERY long to find books that I felt comfortable with kids reading about autism. Why did it take so long? Because the books had to be:
-Accurate
-Promote or at least not deteriorate self esteem
-Apply to all autistic kids, either by acknowledging that everyone's different or by talking about very general characteristics
-Not scare kids. You'd think I wouldn't need this category, but I read a book for kids that tells them that POISON might cause their autism. Which is just ridiculous on so many levels.

After all that I came up with the following list. If you're looking for books to help you explain autism to your kids, I really recommend these!

1. Different Like Me: My Book of Autism Heroes
- It gives kids autistic role models to look up to. Enough said.

2. Ian's Walk
- Okay, so I mostly got this one because it came recommended by sources I trust. It's about a sibling's perspective of their autistic brother. I'll let you know more after I get it.

3. Autism Is...?
- A short, sweet picture book in which a grandma explains autism to her grandchild. Self esteem affirming, and basic enough that it applies to most kids. This is good for younger children. I've already given out one copy to a family, so I'm buying another for my lending library.

4. Can I Tell You About Autism?
- You know, out of all the books, this one did the best job I found of actually explaining how being autistic can affect kids in a kid-friendly way. It's a picture book, but more detailed and advanced than Autism Is...? and it's got a parent's section in the back, too. I wish it had more sections focusing on the strengths of autism (which is why I would couple it with Different Like Me if I was presenting it to kids), but overall it's a great book.

I'm going to add a fifth story to this list, one which I didn't buy because it's available for free on line. It's called "Movement." It might be good for older readers and adults, and it is one of the most powerful reads. I highly recommend, it's a great exercise in empathy.
http://www.nancyfulda.com/movement-a-short-story-about-auti…

Tell me what you think of the books!

-Creigh

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On Books that Spread Fear

1/23/2015

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I am sitting here on the floor of Books A Million right now. I was fortunate enough to get a gift card this Christmas for them, and I've come here to spend it buying, you guessed it, books about autism. I was excited when I saw they had two whole shelves devoted to the subject. But I was horrified when I realized some of the books they contained.

You see, the treasures of books like Carley's Voice and The Way I See It, by Temple Grandin, are overwhelmed by a large quantity of very untrue and harmful books. "The Myth of Autism" one reads, proclaiming in large letters on its cover to tell readers "how a misunderstood epidemic is destroying our children". Another, seemingly innocuously titled book "The Autism Book" claims to tell parents about treatment, recovery, and intervention. Inside it endorses chelation and tells parents (in the same sentence as it says there is no scientific evidence backing this) not to vaccinate their children. Those are only two examples, but there are many, many more sitting on these shelves (did I mention Jenny McCarthy's book is here, too?).

And I can't help thinking to myself, some parent, likely scared after diagnosis, is going to come in here looking for answers. And this is what they're going to find. And I'm helpless to stop it.

If you know a parent of a newly diagnosed child, please, please reach out to them. Loan them your own autism books, tell them about the autism Facebook pages you follow, the websites you know. If you're not sure where to refer them, send them to the Autism Spectrum Explained resources page, which has more resources than they could ever need. Because if we don't, this is what they and their child may well be met with. And that, to me, is horrifying. Too many families have gone through this already - if our efforts can help keep even one from this, it will be worth it.

Creigh

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Congratulations, Caley!

1/15/2015

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CALEY JUST GOT HER DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The latest hurdle that people said she'd never been able to do - passed! It was really hard, and she had to combat a lot of anxiety along the way and do it on her own time table but...she did it! I am so happy for her right now.

I am very proud of her - not for getting her license, I would be proud of her with or without one. But what I'm proud of is how much hard work she did. She was so scared to drive. But she'd ask me to take her driving despite that. She was afraid to do the driving exam. But she did it anyways. It was so hard for her, yet she confronted her own fears and the doubts of others and pushed through at her own pace in her own way. I have a very, very brave sister. Love you, chica.

Moral of the story: Caley is awesome and never listen to what people say you can or cannot do.

-Creigh

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On the Benefits of Honesty in Talking about Emotions

1/11/2015

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Since reading emotional states of others and what they imply can be difficult for people on the spectrum, leading to misunderstandings like the one you described, I tend to be VERY honest about my actual feelings when talking to those I know on the spectrum. As in I'll tell them "On a scale of 1 to 10, with one being not at all [emotion] and ten being extremely [emotion], I currently feel like a [#]."

Here it helps, of course, that I'm not a very emotional person. If the person's judgments of how you feel are generally accurate, there's no need to use this - it's just for if someone is overestimating the amount of [insert negative emotion here] that you're feeling. I find it's good to use statements like this (that are absolutely honest, they have to be able to actually trust what you say), in the case of someone who is worrying that you are feeling some emotion or acting with some motivation when you're really not.

Anecdotally, this seems to be a common issue I've run into with family and friends on the spectrum, worrying that someone's angry when they're not. And small wonder. Caley's compared life when you have trouble reading emotions to a thunderstorm. Neurotypical people can see the dark clouds building and hear the rumblings of thunder in the distance and know that a storm's coming. For her, on the other hand, it's like lightning strikes in the middle of a perfectly clear day. In a word, it's scary and unpredictable.

To manage that, she tries to assume that people are angry too frequently, as she's learned that when you don't realize someone is angry when they really are, the situation can turn really bad really quickly. Better to err on the side of caution. But this caution can lead her to be afraid of non-existent emotional situations...which is where honestly telling her my emotional state comes in.

For example, in the case of Caley, I am very rarely annoyed or angry with her, but she worries that I am very frequently, due to her bad experiences with others. This method of honestly reflecting my emotional state works really well with her...and my other autistic friends, for that matter. The other interesting thing is, I've noticed that my own emotional state actually changes on analysis. My annoyance consistently ticks down a notch after I pause to try to give it a rating. I'm not lying to try to make her feel better about my emotional state - my emotional state (which is not generally terribly emotional...I think the highest rating I've ever given was a 3/10) calms upon the introspection required to give the rating. So the method really works well for everyone all around.

Of course, here's where I'm going to remind you all that I'm not a professional. This is just something that's worked well for Caley and me, as well as for when I'm interacting with friends on the spectrum. If you think it might work for you, I suggest trying it out - it's been great for us, and from what I can tell there's nothing to lose and a lot of emotional relief to be gained.

-Creigh

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On Speaking Up for Others

1/8/2015

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I really liked this post on Invisible Strings about the difference for speaking for someone and speaking up for them - he had a great way of putting it. As an ally to the autistic community, this is pretty similar to what I strive to do. I ask myself, am I putting words in others' mouths? Or am I amplifying their voices? Or, as M put it, are you speaking for others, or speaking up for them? That's something we ALL need to consider, autistic or not.

As I was reading through the comments I found a comment where an obviously loving mother spoke of how she had to speak for, on behalf of, and in place of her autistic son who does not speak. There are a couple of ways to take that, but just in case it was in the less positive way, I went ahead and offered some thoughts. I think you all may find them helpful as well. Here's what I said:

"I really hope that in your comment, you meant that you use his communication (behavior is communication, you don't have to speak to 'say' "No, I don't like that!" even if it's in the form of screams - even self-inurious behavior is communication), your instincts as the person (other than him) who knows him, and the words of autistic people as your guide. I think that's what M means, and certainly what I mean, when we say you shouldn't speak for others. That you shouldn't try to claim that, in this case, your child's experience is the same as everyone else's, and applying this further, nor should you speak in place of someone - which is what you would be doing if you spoke and said he wanted something that he was clearly communicating through behavior that he did not want, or ignored the words of autistic advocates.

Basically, you want to amplify what you think your child's actual wants and needs are, amplify what you think he would be communicating if he could, rather than speaking for yourself and saying that's what he would want. I hope this makes sense - here are some examples of what I mean.

Example of a parent who speaks for their child:
http://neurowonderful.tumblr.com/.../a-long-sad-story

Example of a parent who amplifies their child (her daughter is communicating by writing now, but you can look back further in the archives if you want an example of a time she wasn't):
http://emmashopebook.com/

You have a very difficult job, indeed. Parents in your position have to struggle to think of what their child's wants or needs might be, even if they might be different from their own instincts. I can't imagine how hard that must be. But you shouldn't have to do this completely on your own. Whenever I have questions about what an autistic child who can't communicate their needs to me would want, I turn to WrongPlanet, an online discussion forum for autistic people, and I ask them their opinions. There are people all over the spectrum there with all kinds of diverse experiences, and I use their input, combined with what I personally know of the child, to come to my best guess conclusion of what I think they would want. I'd really recommend checking out the website, it's extremely helpful.http://wrongplanet.net/

You sound like you love your son very much and I wish you both the best of luck."

I hope this was helpful for you ASE readers as well. I really do use WrongPlanet a lot as a place to ask questions - they have a parents page where you can ask for others' insights and it's really helpful. If you're shy and worried about posting, they archive their old posts so you can simply search through the website and see if someone has asked your question before.

-Creigh

As always, remember I'm not a professional, I'm just a family member writing from personal experience.

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Books about autism for kids...and a freebie for adults!

On Books that Spread Fear

Congratulations, Caley!

On the Benefits of Honesty in Talking about Emotions

On Speaking Up for Others

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