Search the site...

Autism Spectrum Explained
  • Home
  • Introduction to Autism
    • Characteristics
    • Common Myths >
      • Negative Narrative >
        • Autism Controversies
  • How to Interact
    • Stigma & Discrimination
    • What to Avoid
  • Advice for Parents
    • Visual Supports
    • Autism Treatments
    • Explaining Autism to Kids
    • A Mother's Story
    • My Sibling Perspective
    • Autism Explained for Kids Site
  • All Kinds of Minds
    • Culture of Autism
    • Late Diagnosis
  • More
    • How to Assess Claims
    • What Causes Autism?
    • Additional Resources
    • Site Info & Feedback >
      • About the Website
      • ASE FAQ
      • Survey
      • Contact Us
      • Make a Submission
  • Our Blog
    • On Self-Advocacy
    • Trouble with Changes
    • Smoothing Transitions
    • Autism Speaks
    • Vaccines
    • Infantilization
    • Her Autism is Worsening
    • Stimming
  • Autism Tutoring
  • Home
  • Introduction to Autism
    • Characteristics
    • Common Myths >
      • Negative Narrative >
        • Autism Controversies
  • How to Interact
    • Stigma & Discrimination
    • What to Avoid
  • Advice for Parents
    • Visual Supports
    • Autism Treatments
    • Explaining Autism to Kids
    • A Mother's Story
    • My Sibling Perspective
    • Autism Explained for Kids Site
  • All Kinds of Minds
    • Culture of Autism
    • Late Diagnosis
  • More
    • How to Assess Claims
    • What Causes Autism?
    • Additional Resources
    • Site Info & Feedback >
      • About the Website
      • ASE FAQ
      • Survey
      • Contact Us
      • Make a Submission
  • Our Blog
    • On Self-Advocacy
    • Trouble with Changes
    • Smoothing Transitions
    • Autism Speaks
    • Vaccines
    • Infantilization
    • Her Autism is Worsening
    • Stimming
  • Autism Tutoring

On Meltdowns, Tantrums, and the Importance of Listening

5/14/2014

0 Comments

 
Originally posted May 8th

I have always struggled to tell the difference between melt-downs and tantrums. I am VERY sympathetic about melt-downs, which look similar to tantrums but come from a place of the autistic person's pain and are uncontrollable, as opposed to a tantrum. But when a child has both tantrums AND melt-downs, how do you know what is what? I try using the situational cues to help me. Was there a sudden change, are there sensory hot points in the environment, is the child seeking out something or trying to get away from it? I try REALLY hard to identify melt-downs and I treat them very differently from tantrums.

But sometimes I fail. It's not often, but sometimes I do think a meltdown is a tantrum and only realize in retrospect. I cannot tell you how much I beat myself up over it, but I think you can imagine. 

The last time I made this mistake, the child advocated for himself, which is the only thing that saved me from putting him in what surely would have been a full melt down situation. 

He put himself in time out. His request, not mine. Up to that point, I'd thought that he was having a tantrum. But after he requested a time out (begged, even) I knew that something was off, because he HATES time outs. So, going on a feeling (even though it should have been obvious, given he was wearing my sunglasses and had his hands clamped over his ears and in retrospect I cannot BELIEVE I missed this), I complied. I let him have a time out, set the timer on my phone as I always do to show him how long his time out was going to be. I told him when the timer went off we would go in the room, because lying on the floor was not an option.

And he calmed. After that timer went off, he was much calmer, stood up (which I hadn't been able to get him to do before), almost made it in the waiting room...and then fell to the floor again, screaming. But once again, his advocacy showed me the way. There were three chairs set outside the waiting area, which he'd told me he wanted to sit in instead (and I'd about to agree to, before I was cut off by the screaming). I took him there instead, and lo and behold, he was calm.

Later I saw what the problem was. I was trying to take him into a waiting room, which is normally devoid of people, but on this particular day was full of a throng of very loud, very chaotic people. By putting himself in a time out outside and telling me he wanted to sit in the chairs, he avoided the room. In those long minutes, he did an amazing job advocating for himself, and thank goodness I listened to him.

I guess the point here is to listen. Pay attention to what someone on the spectrum is communicating, whether it's through words or behavior (because behavior is communication). They are their own best advocates and they know what they need.


-Creigh


My post here was originally inspired by this post by Diary of a Mom. If you haven't seen her Facebook page yet, I highly recommend liking it!
0 Comments

    About Creigh

    I'm a college student who grew up with my Autistic younger sister, Caley. I've got a bachelor's degree in Psychology and I'm currently studying for my Master's in Speech Language Pathology.

    Neither of those, however, have given me an understanding of autism. All of my understanding comes from learning from the many autistic people that I know. As a result, I have a very different outlook on autism than most, and a burning desire to tell the world what I've learned. This blog is one of the many areas in which I attempt to do that.


    *Note, none of these make me a professional, so advice I give is not professional advice.

    Top Posts

    On Self-Advocacy
    Difficulty with Changes 
    On Parental Guilt
    Transition Time!
    My Autism Speaks Story
    A Tale of Two Sensitivities
    Autism and Haircuts
    Cause of Autism
    Vaccines and Autism
    Happiness's Variations
    I Cannot Call Caley Cute
    The Power of Listening
    Her Autism is Worse
    On Preventing Bullying
    Autistic Parenthood
    Facing Discrimination
    Stimming's Function
    On Anxiety

    Categories

    All
    Acceptance
    Accommodations
    Awareness
    Caley's Posts
    Cause Of Autism
    Change
    Controversies
    Creigh's Updates
    Different Not Less
    Empathy
    Kindness
    Listening
    Meltdowns
    Myths
    Parenting
    Presume Competence
    Reader Q&A
    Science
    Self Advocacy
    Stigma / Discrimination
    Stimming
    Understanding
    Word Choice

    RSS Feed

    Blog Info

    Starting about in March 2014, all of these posts are originally published on Autism Spectrum Explained's Facebook page, and later reposted here for archiving purposes and easy access for ASE readers, including those who don't use Facebook. 

    Archives

    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    February 2014
    November 2013
    October 2013
    August 2013

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos from madmiked, Jim Larrison, Purple Sherbet Photography