"I would like to add, speaking from personal experience as a family member only, respect for the kids themselves. Respect for parents is important in of itself, but that means little if you don't respect the child, too. If I made a list, presuming competence, respect (all around for everyone), and acceptance would make the top three. You'd be surprised how much that child is picking up - my sister is Autistic and has written some posts about the way people treated her when she was a child and even currently. [Note: This is the post I was thinking about when I wrote the comment:http://www.autismspectrumexplained.com/our-blog/presuming-competence-what-autism-professionals-need-to-know
] I swear, if those well-meaninged autism professionals and autism parents could have seen what was going on through her eyes, they would never have acted as they did...
And that, I think, is it. Empathy. It is incredibly ironic, I know, because consistently we're told that autistic people lack empathy...and yet the autistic people I know tend to have too MUCH empathy, not too little, and the people I am always begging for empathy and understanding from are consistently neurotypical. Empathy really is the key. Try to see the world through their eyes."
Caley read and approved this post and thoroughly agreed. She said that we should never forget to listen to the child in question, particularly when it comes to sensory issues (which seems to be an especially big empathy problem, as Caley and I have experienced: http://www.autismspectrumexplained.com/our-blog/a-tale-of-two-sensitivities). She said "Just because you can't feel how uncomfortable the clothing is trust what the child says. Just because you don't smell/hear something don't think the child is lying. Don't get mad at us for overreacting to sounds, etc to us it often isn't a an overreaction."
I guess you can distill those words done into some basic qualities that, from personal experience, Caley and I have grown to see as the most important. Accept. Listen. Respect. Presume Competence. And above all, have empathy. This list doesn't just apply to special education teachers working with autistic students, or even autism professionals working with students. These are the keys for everyone interacting with an autistic person, or any disabled person, or, even, for that matter, any human being. Now what we have to do is make sure that list is put into practice...
-Creigh