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  • Introduction to Autism
    • Characteristics
    • Common Myths >
      • Negative Narrative >
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  • How to Interact
    • Stigma & Discrimination
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    • Autism Explained for Kids Site
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small Acts of Kindness in the grocery store

7/30/2015

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The other day Caley and I were at the grocery store. She was extremely anxious, though she couldn't figure out why. All I could do, as I always do, was hug her. Tight hugs from loved ones help her regulate herself enough to navigate the world. They're particularly necessary at grocery stores, which are full of people and choices and loud noises.

This is made worse by the fact that those people are generally staring at Caley as I hug her. Seeing two adults hug and hold hands in public apparently is stare worthy. People come up with their own explanations of the reasons we're hugging. From the spitting and glaring, Caley's best guess has been that they think we're a lesbian couple. Which is a really sad indictment of the way couples who are lesbians are treated, by the way.

So we go from staring to glaring and the more people stare, the more anxious Caley gets and the more hugs she needs. The more hugs she needs the more people stare at us. It's a cycle that just gets worse and worse.

And then we go to the sandwich counter. Caley's nervous, but she's determined to order a sandwich before she leaves. I'm very proud of her, because I know how hard she's working, but how determined she is.

The lady behind the counter listens to Caley's order and starts making her sub. She looks at us, as I hug Caley and comfort her.
And then she says to Caley, "It's going to be okay. I don't know what's going on, but I can tell you're upset. But it's going to be okay. When I'm upset I think of my son and it makes me feel better."

Caley replies, "When I'm upset, I hug my sister and I feel better."
The lady said something else sweet that I can't remember, handed us our sub and we went on our way. As we left, Caley made sure to mention the lady's kind actions to the manager, so she got recognition.

I'm telling this story because I know the components - the grocery store difficulties, the staring - are oh so common for people on the spectrum. But this story shows the solution clearly. Kindness and compassion.

The important take away here is this. Small acts of kindness can make a world of difference. Instead of anxiety provoking stares or frightening glares, this woman reached out with compassion instead. And that transformed our whole grocery trip.
Small acts of kindness go a long way.

​-Creigh
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Fourth of July

7/4/2015

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As many people celebrate the 4th of July, Caley and I are curled up on the bed. I intentionally kept my schedule free tonight, knowing that Caley would need help. Because the 4th of July is pretty much the worst night of the year for Caley.

You see, to a person who needs predictability and has sensory sensitivities to sounds, as many autistic people do, fireworks are pretty much the ultimate worst nightmare. That's certainly what they've been for Caley - the bursts of sound are out of her control, inescapable (even with her earplugs and music), and come at random intervals.

As she says, "Fireworks are evil, they're evil, they're evil! And while they may be pretty, I can't really enjoy them. It's too boom-y."

As you can tell from her phrasing, the fireworks have made her pretty disregulated. I see those signs that veterans put out front saying "Veteran lives here, please be kind with fireworks" and wish they made an autism version...

In the meanwhile, all I can do is cuddle my sister and teach all of you why the 4th of July celebration may be less than celebratory for people on the spectrum. I hope this helped you understand a little better.

-Creigh

[Note: Like with all the posts here on ASE, Caley approved what I wrote before I published it.]

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    About Creigh

    I'm a college student who grew up with my Autistic younger sister, Caley. I've got a bachelor's degree in Psychology and I'm currently studying for my Master's in Speech Language Pathology.

    Neither of those, however, have given me an understanding of autism. All of my understanding comes from learning from the many autistic people that I know. As a result, I have a very different outlook on autism than most, and a burning desire to tell the world what I've learned. This blog is one of the many areas in which I attempt to do that.


    *Note, none of these make me a professional, so advice I give is not professional advice.

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    Starting about in March 2014, all of these posts are originally published on Autism Spectrum Explained's Facebook page, and later reposted here for archiving purposes and easy access for ASE readers, including those who don't use Facebook. 

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