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Meltdowns can be silent

6/10/2015

6 Comments

 
I’m attending a workshop about autism this week, and as I’m sitting there the presenter is talking about ‘rage behaviors’ for people on the spectrum during meltdowns. She lists a number of behaviors I’m perfectly familiar with…and gets to one that throws me.

Internalized behaviors. She says that, though our image of meltdowns is of external behaviors – shouting, throwing things, etc – some people get quiet. They’ll just go and hide under the desk and direct their rage at themselves instead of the world.

The presenter said she prefers those with external behaviors, because it’s so easy for the internalized behaviors to go undetected, and therefore go without help.

“Excuse me!” I said, raising my hand. “Could you talk some more about these internalized behaviors. Because I’m wondering if my sister has them. After she’s been getting melty [her term for almost meltdown-y] for a while, she gets really quiet. She won’t let me talk to her and she goes and hides and shuts down. I never realized that she had meltdowns, and now I’m concerned she might have been having them all along.”

I don’t remember her exact response, but the presenter commented something along the lines of how I’d answered my own question.

Later on that day I told Caley what I’d learned and asked her if she realized she was having meltdowns. She hadn’t known, either. “But you direct bad thoughts at yourself during that time?” I asked her. “Yes,” she said simply. “I just really, really, really don’t like me then.” And then she added. “That may be an understatement.”

It’s hard to help someone avoid meltdowns if you don’t realize they’re even a factor. And, though you may not have to worry about accidental property damage or self-injury, internalized meltdowns as Caley can attest to are still a very bad experience, one we want to help prevent.

That’s it. I just wanted to share the signs of, and mere existence of, quiet meltdowns with you all. Do any of you have experiences, yourself or with your child, with internalized behaviors during meltdowns?

-Creigh

6 Comments
Brenda Myles
9/26/2015 02:50:25 pm

Very nice!

Reply
Creigh
12/20/2015 05:42:27 am

Thanks so much! If you're the same Brenda Myles that gave the workshop, I just wanted to let you know that over on the Facebook page there was an outpouring of parents and people on the spectrum excited to learn about this! :)

Reply
Melinda Little
7/7/2017 09:23:44 am

While on vacation my daughter accidentally poked her Dad in the eye and hid between the bed and the wall with her head down on her knees.

Reply
Planet Autism
12/15/2018 07:08:46 am

What you describe isn't an internalised meltdown, it's an autistic shut down, where the person has become overwhelmed to the point they can't function and needs to shut themselves away and may feel negative about themselves for not being able to cope, or for being triggered by what other people feel is normal stuff.

An internalised meltdown doesn't mean you are blaming yourself or feeling bad about yourself.

An externalised meltdown is from being so overwhelmed and usually being unable to escape from the situation, so an explosion occurs. The person becomes unable to sustain the situation they are in because it's causing them a problem.

When it's internalised, you have the same issue, but you suppress it, through fear of the person(s) there (or their reaction), or what will happen to you if you let it out (police being called, losing your job, home, professional standing, your children etc). Because there is a lot of ignorance about and punitive actions towards, autistic people. Hence it's much more likely to be something a "high-functioning" autistic does.

"What does a meltdown feel like"
https://planetautismblog.wordpress.com/2014/02/06/what-does-a-meltdown-feel-like/

“Having a Meltdown in my Head”
https://planetautismblog.wordpress.com/2017/09/22/having-a-meltdown-in-my-head/

Reply
Jeff
3/9/2020 09:37:20 pm

Wow this makes total sense. Maybe I went undetected for so long because I was always silently melting down without knowing it.

Reply
Happy Ending Gresham link
10/27/2024 09:47:39 pm

Great post thankyouu

Reply



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    About Creigh

    I'm a college student who grew up with my Autistic younger sister, Caley. I've got a bachelor's degree in Psychology and I'm currently studying for my Master's in Speech Language Pathology.

    Neither of those, however, have given me an understanding of autism. All of my understanding comes from learning from the many autistic people that I know. As a result, I have a very different outlook on autism than most, and a burning desire to tell the world what I've learned. This blog is one of the many areas in which I attempt to do that.


    *Note, none of these make me a professional, so advice I give is not professional advice.

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